HOTHEADED!

KUNG NAGBABASA KA NGAYON DITO. PWES, HINDI MAGANDA ANG TIMING MO. MAINIT KASI ANG ULO KO NGAYON. HINDE. HINDI AKO SUMISIGAW. BUMUBULONG LANG AKO IN ALL-CAPS! BAKET? MAY REKLAMO KA?! KUNG MAY PROBLEMA KA. MAGSUMBONG KA KAY TULFO. DUN KA SA BARANGAY MAGREKLAMO. BLOG KO ‘TO, BAKIT BA?

PAANONG HINDI IINIT ANG ULO KO?! ABA EH, SAMU’T SARING STRESS NA LANG PARATI. BUGBUGAN SA TRABAHO, HINDI MAIPALIWANAG NA TRAFFIC SA NICHOLS-MAGALLANES AREA NG SLEX KAYA NALE-LATE AKO NG SOBRA, ANG BIGLANG BUHOS NG ULAN KAPAG BAGONG LINIS ANG MGA KUKO KO SA PAA, ANG MGA JEJEMON AT ORCS SA MGA SOCIAL NETWORKS, ANG PAGKATALO NG AZKALS SA KUWAIT AT SAKA ANG WALANG KAKWENTA-KWENTANG CAPTAIN BARBELL SA TV.

MUKHANG MABUBURA NA RIN ANG PANGARAP KONG MAGKAROON AKO NG HUBAD NA BILLBOARD SA GUADALUPE! SAYANG LANG ANG ILANG TAON KONG PAGTITIMPI SA PAGLAPA NG MGA MASASARAP NA PAGKAIN. WALA NA RING SAYSAY ANG APAT AT KALAHATI KONG ABS. AT ANG PLANO KONG MAGPADAGDAG NG INCHES SA AKING NAGHUHUMINDIG NA PATOTOY.

ISA PA TONG HANSEL PREMIUM CHEESE SANDWICH. LAGING UMIINIT ANG ULO KO KAPAG KUMAKAIN AKO NITO. NAKAKAPANG-INIT NG ULO SA SARAP! BUKOD DUN, NAHIHIRAPAN NA RIN AKONG MAGHANAP NANG MAPAGBIBILHAN NITO KASI TEMPORARY CLOSED ANG 7-11 SA BABA NG BUILDING TAPOS HINDI PA LAHAT NG GROCERIES MERON NITO. ANONG GAGAWIN KO?! ILANG LINGGO NA AKONG NAGKE-CRAVE NITO!!!*

MAINIT TALAGA ANG ULO KO. KAYA KUNG NABINGI ANG MGA TENGA NG MATA NIYO DITO AY PASENSYA NA LANG. HINDI KO TALAGA MAPIGIL ANG BUGSO NG AKING DAMDAMIN. PIGILAN NIYO KO. PIGILAN NIYO KO!!!

KAILANGAN KONG HUMINAHON. TSAA! TSAA!!! KAILANGAN KO NG TSAA!!!

*not a marketing campaign

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Clearing EDSA

Sa loob ng isang buwan kong pagwo-workshop, may isang lugar akong hindi makakalimutan. ANG KAHABAAN NG PUNYETANG EDSA.

Doon ko na-realize na justifiable pa pala ang traffic sa SLEX. Makati to Ortigas ay umaabot na ng 1.5 hours na byahe by commute, samantalang isa’t kalahating oras (or less pa nga) ang byahe ko from San Pedro to Makati during rush hours. Well, recently nata-traffic na rin ako sa SLEX Nichols to Magallanes but that’s another story. Oo may MRT, pero katulad ng EDSA, impyerno rin naman. Mas mabilis pero wasted naman paglabas ng train. Parang lahat ng sumasakay ng MRT nagmumukhang galing disaster o nagahasa ng limang elepanteng may mukha ni Jobert Sucaldito paglabas. In fact, walang silbi ang pabango at ang sariwang plantsang damit mo sa loob ng MRT. Pero kung maluwag at mabilis lang ang byahe sa EDSA, malamang hindi ganun kagrabe ang situation sa MRT.

Ano ba mga pwedeng solution para lumuwag ang EDSA?

• Tollgates at mataas na toll fee. Simula kasi nang magtaas ang mga hinayufuck na tollway operators sa SLEX, kumonti na ang mga sasakyang dumadaan dito, lumuwag at bumilis na ang byahe. In fact, di na nga kailangang dumaan ng Skyway ang mga bus. Kaya kung magkakaroon din ng punyetang mahal na toll fee sa EDSA, malaki ang chance na maging maluwag ang EDSA ulit. Kasing luwag ng buray ng malanding hitad.
• Make everyday a Sunday. Tuwing linggo lang lumuluwag ang kalsada kaya dapat tanggalin na dapat ang ibang araw sa kalendaryo at gawing Linggo na lang lahat ng araw. Sa ganitong paraan, matutuwa ang maraming empleyado kasi araw-araw lagi silang double pay. Hindi lang yun, kahit CBCP matutuwa kasi araw-araw magsisimba ang mga Pilipino. Magkakaroon pa ang mga Pilipino ng sariling langit dahil sa lagpas-langit na kabanalan.
• Make Manny Pacquiao fight everyday. Ang luwag parati ng EDSA tuwing may laban si Pacman. Kung kailanganing kalabanin ni Manny ang buong population ng Mexico, why not? Basta ba sa ikaluluwag lang ng EDSA natin. Walang bayani ang hindi naghihirap para sa kanyang bayan, tama? Patok din ito sa mga nagpapapayat kasi mapipilitan silang maglakad dahil walang mga mamamasadang PUVs dahil busy sila sa panonood ng sandamakmak na commercials at laban ni Pacquiao.
• Zombies. Dahil lumuluwag ang kalsadang may mga zombies.

Kailangan na talagang lumuwag ang EDSA. Nagdadatingan na ang mga imported sports car dito sa bansa natin tapos ma-traffic naman sa mga main thoroughfares. Anong silbi ng mabibiling sports car na Lamborghini, Porsche, Aston Martin, Peugeot, at Sarao kung 10kph lang ang takbo sa EDSA at 40kph lang ang maihahataw nito sa loob ng mga subdivisions? Saka paano mapapatakbo ng presidente natin ang Porsche niya sa EDSA natin?

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Pimp Daddy and The Theater Virgin

For those who hadn’t seen our recital, I was the Pimp Daddy. Though quick, it was gratifying. This came out on our playbill. Let me also have this opportunity to thank my blogger friends who watched our recital; Winston, Faith, Fritz, Marcelle and Eloisa (yeah, plurk is a microblog). I am very thankful to see you there.

Pimp Daddy: Are you feeling kinky? I have these pleasurable people that can satisfy your need today?

Theater Virgin: Uhm no. Not in the mood now. I’m busy practicing my lines… And why are you selling flesh on a Saturday noon by the way?

Pimp Daddy: It’s a tough weekend y’know? Didn’t reach my quota last night. Pay day is still next week and I don’t have enough commission to buy signature clothes.

Theater Virgin: Signature clothes?! Really? I thought you just borrowed clothes from Kuya Germs’s closet.

Pimp Daddy: You be careful with your mouth kid. Or I’ll slap you with my Gucci gloves… You said “practicing lines”. Are you an actor or something?

Theater Virgin: Not really. I’m currently taking an acting workshop at Repertory Philippines.

Pimp Daddy: So you aspire to be one. You know, in my business, I can make you a star.

Theater Virgin: No thanks, dude. I don’t want to be in THAT business. Aside from that, I don’t give a damn at stardom. After seeing my co-actors, I’m still too far to be really called an “actor”.

Pimp Daddy: That’s why my offer. I can make you there faster. You’re quite good-looking too. By the way, do you have a long di…

Theater Virgin: WOAH! Let’s stop there.

Pimp Daddy: How long… How long have you been doing this?

Theater Virgin: It’s my first time. Never tried it during college nor highschool.

Pimp Daddy: Have you at least performed on stage?

Theater Virgin: The only performance I’ve done is singing and dancing naked in front of the bathroom mirror, The last time I was on stage was when I got my diploma.

Pimp Daddy: You really should be IN my business.

Theater Virgin: NO!

Pimp Daddy: Wow! You are a virgin. I mean, a theater virgin. Are you into theater and musicals?

Theater Virgin: Not much. I’ve only seen a few stage plays in my life. I do watch movie musicals, and that’s just it.

Pimp Daddy: So why theater?

Theater Virgin: I dunno exactly why. I just feel like doing it. I always wanted to try this.

Pimp Daddy: How was it? Are you enjoying it… like sex?

Theater Virgin: If that’s how you put it, YES! I enjoy it a lot. In this workshop, I feel freedom. I feel happy whenever I’m in the rehearsal studio. The only moment I feel tired is when I’m at work and when I’m travelling home to Laguna every single day. This experience is really fulfilling, it’s worth the time after all the traffic in EDSA and the after-work stench at MRT. If I won’t be in the theater, I would love to do this workshop over and over again for me to learn and become a real actor someday. And…

Pimp Daddy: OKAY! I get it.

Theater Virgin: Hey! Don’t be rude, I’m still not finished with my answer.

Pimp Daddy: Yes you are! What have you learned so far?

Theater Virgin: A lot. Theater ain’t really easy. If one’s really passionate about it he has to learn many things and make his imagination go wild. I’ve also been taught here on how to become an action star. Few nights ago, we were choreographing the fight scene. We’ve got bumps and bruises. I don’t know if it’s the masochistic in me but I love it. I do hope they can teach us how to split bullets using a jungle bolo like how Lito Lapid did it in his movie.

Pimp Daddy: How are your classmates?

Theater Virgin: They are really good and very talented. There’s no need to go to a concert, club or a gig – which I don’t regularly do either – whenever I’m at the class I am already surrounded by talented people. But I do had a hard time adjusting at first because they were all talking in english. I’m not saying that I’m not capable speaking in english because I do. It’s just that, it was still in high school when I was required to speak english fluently, which was aeons ago. Work doesn’t require me that either. I realize I am now more fluent in gay lingo, l337speak and lolspeak. It surprises me when foreign classmates speak in Filipino.

Pimp Daddy: And we are talking in english now because…

Theater Virgin: This will be in the playbill and it has to be in english.

Pimp Daddy: Back to your classmates, how are they? I mean, are they good-looking? Can you recommend them to get into my business? I need more “talents” y’know?

Theater Virgin: They don’t just look great, they are awesome. But I won’t exploit them to get into your business. Unless of course, we have a good deal.

Pimp Daddy: Now we’re talking business.

Theater Virgin: I’m just kidding.

Pimp Daddy: How are your teachers? Are they terrifying?

Theater Virgin: Meynard? He is a great teacher. Terrifying is not the right word. It’s more of the sense of having a teacher-student relationship where the student will do his best to please his master and give him good grades. That feeling pushes oneself to his limits and be better than what he used to be. A teacher who have that aura only proves that he is a master of his craft which motivates me to do my best even I’m completely newbie to this experience.

Teacher Jay is whom students can relate. He is the one who will get to you and help you hit the right notes of the song or tell you good advices on what to do next. He pacifies the feeling of fear of a students to their master and makes you feel “We’ve also been there.”

Pimp Daddy: So can you ask them if they can recommend their students to my business? Former students will also do.

Theater Virgin: Hey! I don’t want to be fed to alligators.

Pimp Daddy: I can give’em a good deal.

Theater Virgin: Oh c’mon!

Pimp Daddy: Are you one of the leads on your recital? You seem serious with your lines.

Theater Virgin: No. I have different roles in our recital but I will have a short shining moment in our play and I want it to be monumental. I don’t think I’m ready to have a lead role yet. I think I will die and have seizure on stage if I’ll have a lead role now.

Pimp Daddy: So, what’s your role in the recital?

Theater Virgin: I will be a pimp daddy. I guess I am the only one who have guts to wear ridiculous outfits on stage.

Pimp Daddy: Being a pimp daddy is not that ridiculous, y’know? Look at me.

Theater Virgin: You are ridiculous.

Pimp Daddy: I AM NOT. Then I guess you’re glad that I came to you. Do you want to ask me for any advices?

Theater Virgin: I don’t have to. I’m just talking to myself in the mirror.

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